1. Recognize your limits

Most caregivers take on many different roles, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to do everything yourself. But you don’t and you shouldn’t. To better understand your limits:

• Know the signs of fatigue or burnout: Notice when you’re feeling physically or emotionally depleted. Instead of simply telling yourself to push on, consider that these might be signs for you to rethink certain responsibilities.

• Be honest about what you can take on: To help you visualize your caregiving load, it might help to write down what you’re already doing and take note of what needs to be removed from the list.

• Don’t forget the mental load: Assess your current responsibilities, don’t forget to include the mental side of things (planning care and decision making) which can be equally taxing.

2. Learn about what help is out there

You might assume you’re all alone in your caregiving role. But if you do a little research or reach out to others, you might find more support than you expect.

• Immediate social circle: Family, friends, or even neighbors may offer to assist with errands, meals, or driving your loved one to cancer treatment appointments.

• Community resources: Explore what’s available near you. Community services, cancer support groups, home care options, or respite services can lighten your load.

• Professional help: Your loved one’s cancer care team can connect you with social workers, counselors, or other specialists who understand the demands of caregiving and can guide you to the right resources. For example, Osara Health coaches offer personalized help and education, empowering caregivers to support their loved ones while also taking care of themselves.

3. Communicate roles and responsibilities so everyone’s on the same page

Once you have a clear idea of what you can and can’t handle, you need to communicate this to your loved one and others who are part of your care team. Honest conversations can help others understand what practical ways they can contribute.

• Plan what you’re going to say: Think ahead about how you’ll frame your needs in a calm and clear manner to set expectations and prevent misunderstandings.

• Be specific about what you need: Don’t assume others should know where you need help. Assign clear tasks such as meal prep, driving to appointments, managing paperwork, or providing emotional support to other family members, friends, or support workers.

• Hormonal shifts: Stress hormones could possibly wake up dormant cancer cells.

• Start small: If you’re struggling to let go of your responsibilities, start off by delegating smaller tasks first.

4. Let go of guilt

You might experience guilt when you start to set boundaries. It’s normal to experience this, but holding onto guilt only drains your energy and makes caregiving harder. Here’s how you can manage this emotion:

• Acknowledge your feelings without judgment: It’s normal to feel guilty, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Recognizing those emotions without beating yourself up is the first step in letting them go.

• Reframe self-care as a caregiving tool: Taking breaks or saying no helps you to stay energized so you can keep caring for your loved one in the long run.

• Remember the positives of boundaries: This could mean having time to recharge, being a more present and patient caregiver, or protecting your own health.

5. Protect time for yourself

Set aside time that’s just for you. Apart from taking care of your basic needs, you should also try to incorporate activities that bring you joy.

• Take regular breaks: Block out specific periods in your week to be completely off-duty. Use this time to relax, take care of your physical health, or enjoy quiet moments.

• Prioritize daily self-care: Start with basics, such as getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, and eating nourishing foods. Then, you can incorporate other activities that help you relax and restore your energy (like taking a short walk or listening to a favorite podcast).

• Keep up with hobbies: Make time for the activities you love and bring your joy. This could be things like gardening, going to the gym, reading, or baking.

6. Set mental and emotional boundaries

Supporting your loved one through their cancer journey often means providing emotional care as well. While this may be less visible than physical support, it can be equally draining. This is why protecting your mental health is just as important as all the other boundaries.

• Recognize your emotional limits: While you may feel the need to take on as much of the emotional burden for your loved one, remember that you have limits. When conversations or situations sometimes feel too heavy, give yourself permission to step back and revisit them when you feel stronger.

• Practice relaxation techniques: Make calming practices like deep breathing or mindfulness a regular part of your routine to help ease stress.

• Seek external emotional outlets: Some issues may require help from others. You can talk to a therapist, join a cancer caregiver support group, or connect with a trusted friend to process your feelings in a space outside of your caregiving relationship.