As you go through cancer, it’s common to have feelings of loneliness and uncertainty about whether anyone genuinely cares about what you’re going through. You might also feel like people are avoiding you or that no one fully understands your experience.

If you find yourself in this position, remember that your feelings are valid and you are not alone. A survey from the American Cancer Society found that more than half of cancer patients reported sometimes experiencing social isolation. Fortunately, there are practical steps you can take to navigate these challenging times and find the support you need.

Acknowledge your feelings

It’s okay to feel lonely and to admit that you’re struggling. Bottling up emotions can often make the situation worse, so give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling.

Getting started: Journaling is an effective way to note down your feelings in a safe space, particularly if you find it hard to express yourself around others. Set yourself 5-10 mins a day to start writing how you felt and one action you could take tomorrow to cope with any difficult feelings.

Stay connected with loved ones

Sometimes, family and friends want to help, but may not know what to do or say. For example, a friend might think that you need space during this time to process feelings or cope with the appointments and treatment but you actually just want them to provide a listening ear. It’s important to remember that your support community only knows as much as you are willing to tell them, so continuing to communicate effectively is very important. The National Cancer Institute suggests reaching out and building your support system in different ways to meet your need for connection during this difficult time.

Getting started: Write a list of friends and family members that form part of your most trusted support community. These are people that you feel comfortable expressing your feelings and what you need. Against each person’s name, suggest one or two ways that you’d appreciate their support (i.e. running an errand, being a listening ear, or helping with something around the house). Or, conversely, writing a list of specific tasks or activities that you are struggling with, then providing this to friends and family. Make a note if it is a task you would like to do, but would like some help with, or someone to accompany you. Your family and friends can then assign themselves to these tasks. Sometimes family or friends may feel worried about saying the wrong thing or not knowing how to emotionally deal with situations. This may feel like they are avoiding you or not caring. In these situations, reaching out to people you want to be a part of your support network is important – and letting them know you want them to be there! You could share resources on what to say to people with cancer with them.

Join a cancer support group

Often, the most valuable connections are with people who are experiencing similar challenges as you. This is where joining a cancer support group may help. They offer a space where you can share your experiences, fears, and triumphs with other cancer survivors who truly get the experience of going through cancer treatment and living with the ongoing health concerns. 

Getting started: Many hospitals offer support groups, and it’s a good place to start when looking for help. The Cancer Council and some cancer specific organizations  (e.g. Breast Cancer Network Australia) also have in person and online support groups that you can join. 

Seek professional help

Working with mental health care providers can be beneficial if feelings of loneliness and isolation get too overwhelming. It provides you with a safe space to connect with someone as they assist you in developing coping strategies.

Getting started: As looking after your emotional health is also part of cancer care, speak to your health care team, and they can direct you to a therapist. Our cancer coaches at Osara Health also provide 1-to-1 support to people with cancer facing issues like loneliness, emotional challenges, and more. Maybe it’s time to schedule that next appointment?

Continue doing the things you love

Doing things that bring you joy can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether it’s reading, painting, or any other hobby, engaging in activities you love can provide a mental escape and a sense of normalcy. Plus, having the social aspect of many hobbies can allow you to stay connected with others. Some also find emotional support from joining a spiritual community.

Getting started: Everyone is different on what this may look like, so think back to little things that have sparked joy during your life. It could be a hobby or even simple habits like listening to your favorite music.

In conclusion, connection is the key

Cancer is a serious illness that doesn’t just affect your physical health. Feeling lonely is a common and deeply challenging experience for those with a cancer diagnosis, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help.